What Ifs..
Lately I've been thinking (scary, I know!) about many things. Like for example, I am so tired of planning for the future, what if I fell over dead today? I wont be enjoying the certified money deposit I have in the bank that will not mature in any time soon or I wont be thankful that all of our bills are paid in a month advance and now I have practically NO spending money without taking it out of my itty bitty account at the bank. Also Ive been pondering about choices Ive made for myself or paths I was forced to choose, a lot of "what ifs" I know I can't do anything about those. But sometimes, I wonder if I or if destiny had not put me on the life-paths I have taken, where would I have ended up?
what if I had told Him yes instead of no? would I be truly happy or very regretful?
what if my mother was still alive and wasnt snatched away by cancer when I was 11 years old? what kind of woman would I be today with a stronger maternal presence in my life?
what if I would have gone on to medical school like I had always wanted? I certainly had the grades but not the emotional support I really needed and craved. (despite my misspellings and bad grammar, I do have a very excellent education, believe it or not!)
what if I did not know at the young age of 4 years old that I cannot live without being in the company of horses? what kind of passion for the things in life would I have?
what if I never had children like I had planned on? I wouldnt feel immense happiness by just gazing at them like I do now.
what if I had ran like hell when my hubby pursued me so many years ago? I did not want a relationship or love, but it chased me down, crippled me, and I was captured.
what if I had said "yes" to sugar-daddy L. when he asked me to marry him? I would be a wealthy sorta-young woman married to a nursing-home trapped man these days( definately NOT a good whatif! ).
what if I had never moved to Oklahoma? would I still be freezing off my ass in N.MI or would I have chosen another state later on in life to migrate to?
what if my Father was not an alcoholic? I am sure it changed me dramatically as a person when I was growing up.
what if I had jumped when I really wanted to jump? I wouldnt be here today.
what if I hadnt had a near death car wreck that stopped me in my tracks, and forced me to accept my Mortality ?
what if this free therapy blog was not available to me? I'd probably be outside blabbing all this to my horse.
Those were just the tip of the iceberg, maybe I'll save the whole berg for the Old Guy, my fingers ache.......
posted by BarnGoddess_01 at 8/17/2006
6 Comments:
butterflychic26-yeah, kinda deep for me! I think the heat is getting to me, too many hours out in the 106+ degrees and sun has given me a mental heatstroke. #1, geesh, I wish a day didnt pass I didnthink about him, I am so sad...
my old horse knows all my secrets, I would fall over dead if he ever started talking like Mr. Ed---omg just the thought made my heart race from terror!
brian- aniin! my spirit guides sometimes test me but I will not speak badly of them, they watch over me and mine.......
having a lot of $$ certainly helps everything! I am far from broke or poor, I really shouldnt complain about my finances, but couldnt things always be better?
I think we all have what if's, kinda neat to have think about at times and then be grateful for the ways it did work.
i do enjoy pondering "what ifs", they can be rewarding or devasting to look back on but always puts my current life in perspective.
bri-okay, double okay
kel-yes, nice to think about, like winning the lottery is...
kt-definately puts the HERE and NOW spin on things!
Your what ifs inspired my questions on regrets....DO you think we truly have a plan for us set forth at birth? OR do we weave around a red dirt road that has has no signs and we create our own path?
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