Toddler Terror

Today my 2 1/2 yo has been the toddler terror from hell. Seriously, I am not joking. Here is a run down starting from this morning what he has put me thru:

1. S. put another toy in the microwave, this time the toy had a metal piece, loud noise and sparks ensued. I think I saved the micro, again....hoping badly.

2. while I was in the shower, S. got into my makeup bag, applied mascara and lipgloss to his eyebrow area. Then squirted almost a whole tube of Crest toothpaste onto his toothbrush and threw it into the toilet. While I was getting out of the shower, he snatched a bottle of Nair and tried to run, I chased him naked and dripping wet from the shower, caught him before he turned himself into the "Bald One".

3. S. wanted some Doritos chips (I do not care for the stinky things but the rest of my family does so they are usually in the pantry) I obliged his snack since he ate a healthy lunch. I gave him a few chips in his Sponge Bob bowl and parked him in front of the TV so I could unload the dishwasher. A bit later he brought his empty bowl to me and said "Mo, peese, Mom" so I gave him another 4 chips, he answered 'Thank you mommy!" He can be such a sweetheart! Off he went back to his spot. He was being awful quiet but I finished my chore and went to check on him. S. was being so quiet because he was chewing up his chips, spitting them out into the carpet, then swirling them around into huge orange mashtype stuff! Ahhhhhh! a carpet cleaning was needed after that, grrr.

4. the Schwan's man stopped by and I bought a few things, paid with a check. While I was stowing my newly purchased frozen goods in the freezer, S. retrieved my checkbook off my desk and scribbled on about 8 checks with a black pen before he was busted.

5. S. sprayed horse-fly spray into his face while we were outside spraying down Scooter. Luckily it was the all natural and organic crap I put around Scooters eye's, muzzle, ears, and private parts. Panic! we raced into the house and washed his eyes and face, no redness, nothing, I panicked for nada. S. never even cried.

6. set the car alarm off 2X with my car remote he snuck out of my purse when I was on the phone.

7. put a navy blue crayon in the toaster then toasted it, like the micro, I was fast enough that only the paper got scorched, no melted wax mess, but would have been in a matter of seconds.

8. we were outside picking up the yard, and stuff because we have to mow AGAIN, S. plucked all the little red flowers off my geraniums that he could reach.

Thankfully he is taking his afternoon nap ( the 1 and only one he takes).
I think I need a pay raise......