Restless Sleep, Broken Dreams

Yesterday the small rays of hope I had of this dark cloud that has been hovering over me for a week, was finally lifting, have vanished. It is like the talons of a vulture have dug in deep and latched onto some tender part of my psyche and refuse to let go. I spent the better part of the day outdoors in the cooler weather accomplishing many things. Toddler Terror was behaving but I suspect his allergies are on the verge of flaring up again and that has his maniac behavior held at bay. I hope this is not the case. I'd take the little maniac monster in him anyday over his feeling poorly from his allergies.

Last night my sleep was restless and full of broken dreams. I dreamt of a white/grey horse behind a wooden fence. At times the beautiful horse was a bright stark white and others a light grey with dark features. The horse had a long, thick, tangled mane. He beckoned me and I climbed the wooden fence and reached the horse, but he turned and walked into the woods on a well worn path. I followed unable to catch this horse until the other side of the woods opened into a clearing full of colored rocks. Rocks like the ones found on the Lake Superior shoreline in Michigan. It was here I found myself a little girl again and sitting beside my mother during Sunday mass inside the Cathedral. The Priest was droning on his sermon and I had my mother's hand inside my own two examining the features of her small hand. Her worn thin wedding rings, the oval shaped manicured fingernails, the blue veins that stood slightly up on the back of her hand. I remember her hand felt warm, soft, and dry. I havent dreamed of my mother for over 20 years. The only dreams I remember of her were the ones I had immediately following her death. I would dream her death was not real and she was infact alive and well. I can also remember the horrible sinking feeling I had when I woke from this dream, knowing it was just that a dream.

Odd how the subconscious mind works. I think mine comes thru my dreams but rarely do I ever remember them vividly like the one last night. Usually they are a fleeting memory or deja vous feeling that lasts mere seconds. My mind is usually so busy from the minute after waking I seldom have time to recover any threads of a dream from the night before.

I have a new horse to look at this afternoon. He has problems. Some bad behavior problems, bad manners is what his owner told me on the phone last night. Most likely he wont need much, a horse's people problems are easily solved. I know I can help this horse and save him from himself.